Into the Abyss

I am drowning…I am drowning in:

Shame     Guilt     Anger     Fierce HATE     Insecurity     Fear

I am trying to pray.
I am trying to be more love centered.
I am trying to be kind.
I am trying not to run away.

But…

All I want to do is:

Scream     Throw     Kick     Beat    Yell     Cry     Lash Out     Breakdown     Sob

I am trying to have patience.
I am trying to let go.
I am trying to stop self sabotaging.
I am trying to keep looking at the sky.

What is it that I don’t feel like it is ok to FEEL all these things?
Why am I still so unable to let go of the bad habits that I know in my brain lead to dysfunction?

Where is my STRONG, BADASS, FIERCE, REVOLUTIONARY, WONDER WOMAN SELF and how do I pull myself out of this abyss?

How do I remember to:

Stay in the Present     Recognize MY Blessings      Enjoy Every Moment     Remember it all Happens on Purpose     Stay IN the Love    Hold ON to the Happy

As women we all live in a world where we feel these conflicts in one way or another…perhaps the answer is REALLY, TRULY as simple as the one I tell:

my clients    my lover    my friends    my fellow activists
my family    my colleagues

Do or do not…there is no try.” -Yoda

 

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One response to “Into the Abyss

  1. Thank you for speaking your honest, raw truth. I hear you my sister.

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