The March

“Woman has to understand her role. Her role is not to worship god; Her role is to be the very self of God. Her oneness can affect and open every heart.” -Yogi Bhajan

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Women. Tears. Overwhelm. Them. Us. Together. Labia everywhere. Women with their lovers, their friends, their grandfathers. Women with their babies, their grown children. Women everywhere.

Women holding and loving each other.

Women hugging and saying thank you, I see you, I honor you.

Women saying I am here to comfort you and fight with you. To #resist. I see you and you see me and we will not be defeated.

Women enveloping each other in empowering, divine, loving grace.

Marching towards the revolution knowing that our oneness is where the power lies.

Women kissing, praying, eating, nourishing our bodies and our souls as one. Engaging in compassionate surrender as we come together to recognize the joy in our collective hearts. As we create the physical manifestation of the knowledge that we are always held by the divine feminine and they will never be able to cut the very cord that ties us to the divine mother earth.

Women together in awe and strength from babe to crone.

Women united on every continent around our sacred earth from giant metropolis to one horse town, from sea to shining sea, north-south-east-west. Women converging in a mass of feminine power to share in their stories and wisdom.

To march in the united purpose of humanity and shared strength.

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Together we are #TheResistance and we are united in #GracefulRevolution

I believe in a new brand of advocacy where we humble ourselves to our shortcomings and engage in acts of graceful revolution that bring light to the true reality of people’s lives. I believe that if we engage people in their own spaces, teach them to look at injustices as moments that touch their own lives, if we give them the knowledge of the power structure, if we give them the tools to infiltrate its membrane, then change will take place in America.

This is the Graceful Revolution.

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I Am Angry At America

I feel myself slithering up from the depths of only grief looking slightly like Golum from the inside out.

A demonic sinister look in my eye promising to eviscerate your soul.

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Tank Girl

I am angry.
Ball busting violently angry.
I want to claw, gnash, tear out, slash and burn.
I want to beat and main and thrash and break and cut and filet your soul from the inside out.
I want to rip your heart from the middle of your body, hang you upside down and watch you drown on your own blood.

I am looking at you from inside myself seeing the hands that are not mine try to destroy you to the core.

I am writhing in a body that feels foreign and slimy and disturbed and vile.

I AM ANGRY AT AMERICA

I am angry at you for creating a world I am disgusted to be a part of. Angry that I am embarrassed to raise my children in this hell.

Angry that you have brought to the surface the darkness of a nation that I was just beginning to feel safe in.

You have destroyed all the faith I had in the road I was traveling.
It is vile, disturbed, depraved, disgusting.
It is horror and madness.

PATRIARCHY EXEMPLIFIED
MATRIARCHY OBLITERATED

Gross, gagging bile of filfth running through my maimed and broken fingers.
Dripping like green snot onto a burned out mother earth.

As the South African mothers mothers used to say:

NOW YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE WOMEN
YOU HAVE STRUCK A ROCK;
YOU HAVE DISLODGED A BOULDER;
YOU WILL BE CRUSHED.

I am coming for you in all my vile depravity America.

Consider this your only warning.

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“In 2033, justice rides a tank and wears lip gloss.”
Tank Girl

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A peaceful protest message

Today I was honored to be asked to close out a peaceful protest at the campus of CSUSB. It was a remarkable event with hundreds in attendance. Here is what I had to say:


Here are some badass photos:


We must continue to speak our truth, even if our voice shakes. 

Like my hero Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

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#ImWithHer

I have thought about blogging about the presidential election potentially 150 million times since April, 2015.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t because of the death threats.
I didn’t because of the harassment.
I didn’t because I just didn’t want to deal with the drama that inevitably would ensue.

I found my secret “We Love Hillary” FB groups and I voiced my fears and excitements, my joys and my hurts there. I got saucy on Twitter and took the trolls vicious attacks because it was only Twitter.

Today there are 3 days until the election and Hillary Clinton has released a really amazing video about the last year.

And it made me cry.
And it solidified why I love her and her campaign.
And it reminded me that the level of harassment I have received is nothing compared to what she has endured.

It reminded me that I have volunteered for her in Kemmerrer, Wyoming (2008) and all over Utah (2008), Las Vegas, Nevada (2016) and San Diego, California (2016).

I have grieved her losses and celebrated her wins.

I have called my best Hillary friend Brenda on 200,000 occasions to scream in joy and anger.

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I have gotten my formal portrait…

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And my selfie…

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I love Hillary Clinton because of her fierce advocacy on behalf of women and children. I love her because she understands motherhood, partnership, and friendship. I love her because we share a fond love of Eleanor Roosevelt whose signature I have tattooed on my arm.

I love her because no other presidential candidate in the history of this nation has ever served in EVERY branch of government. She has lived in the White House. She has been a civil servant. She has served in the Senate. She has worked in the Judiciary.

I love Hillary Clinton because when I look at her I see what I can become. Because when she walks into a room I am so overwhelmed by her that I spontaneously burst into fits of ugly crying because she inspires me to strive for a level of greatness I didn’t even know I was capable of.

I have met her. I have read her books. I have grieved with her and celebrated with her. I have been overjoyed at her successes as if they were my own. I have seen her humanity and realized that we aren’t that much different, we have both been hurt by those we loved the most.

My husband is a veteran who has benefited from her fierce advocacy on behalf of the women and men who have served our country.

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My children have lived in poverty and benefited from her fierce advocacy that they enjoy the same level of health care and early childhood education as the rich children.

I have been so poor I needed free women’s health care. I have worked for Planned Parenthood and watched her fight tirelessly for our right to control our bodies.

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I am queer…and I have watched her evolve into someone who is inspired by our fight towards equality.

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Hillary Clinton represents me more than any other presidential candidate ever has. And I love her for it. She is my president. And I am fiercely devoted to her.

For all of these reasons and a thousand, million more – I.AM.WITH.HER.

 

 

 

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84 Backers

84 backers

84 people who are committed to women

84 people who are committed to research on women

84 people who believe in the power of storytelling

42 mothers

5 current or former elected officials

3 lobbyists

1 person who has known me since birth

1 person who has known me less than 6 months

6 PhD students

A couple of attorneys

3 professional fundraisers

2 badass coaches

84 people who believe in stories that speak truth to women’s lives.

They believe that the people who hold the power to talk about reproductive health should do so in a way that honors the entirety of women’s lives and sheds light on the rights that are missing.

They believe that this project challenges the normative nature of research and will give rise to a graceful revolution that moves beyond the binary structure of society.

They believe in the story of the modern virgin.

Be a part of this exciting adventure and join this campaign. Be one of my storytellers by investing in this project.

Donate today to join the 84 backers who believe in telling the stories of reproductive life in America.

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13 Days left in my 28 Day Cycle

28 Days

28 Days in a menstrual cycle

28 Days in this Kickstarter campaign

13 Days left in this campaign

August 28 is when we find out if we conceived so we can give birth to this project

My mother was adopted as an infant. She recently met her birth mother Joyce. This is why Joyce committed money to my Kickstarter project:

“My virgin days are long over but the book will give many people quite a bit to think about. When I was young and even a little older, abortion was something that was done with a hanger or a knitting needle except if you knew a doctor who would take care of you if, of course, you had the money to pay for it. There were, of course, back-alley people who would do an abortion but that was probably a terrible idea and one fraught with danger.”

This project is about the interviews of women who have EXTREME difficulty obtaining CONTRACEPTION and abortion.

This project is about the stories of women that have been ignored by the legislative and decision making bodies in America.

This project is about privilege, hope, justice, invisibility, fierce courage, strength.

Let’s get back to Joyce:

“Personally, I’m glad it wasn’t to be for me or else I would never have known you and your family or had a wonderful daughter but EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE A CHOICE to do as she sees fit without guilt or fear.”

This project allows me to finish my dissertation, obtain my PhD, and publish a book that will be used by politicians, activists, teachers, women, and men to change the dialogue about what KINDS of women have stories about contraception and abortion.

Like Joyce says:

“When I was on my own for a while I went to Planned Parenthood for personal care and couldn’t have done without it so my feeling is that your book must reach that broad audience out there who need to read and understand what is at stake.”

I tried to take the traditional academic route to funding and was told NO, we don’t have money for that sort of research. While my PhD gives professional credence to my voice, my research on reproductive health and justice is not valued by mainstream academia.

What I am called to do does not follow the narrow road of patriarchy.

Being told NO is not an answer I can live with.

Fund my Kickstarter today.

Say YES to women.

Say YES to research that affirms women’s lives.

Say YES to a book that has the power to change everything for women and girls in America.

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Beyoncé-Formation

I have been sitting on this blog since January. I was trying to figure out how to get it just right. I was afraid of pissing someone off.

And then I was like screw it, this video made me FEEL and I am going to talk about it! By FEEL I mean I screamed and cried the first time. The second time I was like HOLY CRAPOLA did she just do that? I have since then watched this video at least twice daily.

I wake up singing this song. I have friends who loathe this song. “It is not my favorite” they say. To them I say wake up y’all we got some work to do!

For a white girl from Park City, Utah I am so damn excited that this badass bold beautiful black woman is calling America on our shit. While talking about good sex. And flipping off the Nation. In front of a plantation. Surrounded by beautiful men.

Oh YES, where can I get some more of that please?

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Not to mention calling all the ladies into formation. Now I know that symbolically this means something different to me than it does for other people but hear me out. Beyoncé is talking about getting women together against the backdrop of an empty swimming pool (History Lesson America: many people of color don’t know how to swim because of segregation and systemic racism).

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The power of that was juxtaposed with that amazing child about my daughters age dancing in front of a SWAT team. When did we become a nation that shoots first and asks questions later?

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Women are the power — we are the shifters — we are the community builders and the change agents.

We birth, we nurture, we shift, we SLAY

This video and its words remind us that POWER, CONTROL, VIOLENCE are intertwined and unavoidable.

And this takes me to the response from some law enforcement agencies to this video (Referenced in this blog here). If a small black child dancing in front of a line of adult SWAT team members is a deliberate move to incite violence against police (according to you), then we need to have a big old fireside chat about our priorities as a police state, which is what we are if children dancing in the street causes that kind of a response. Beyoncé is saying something that you don’t want her to.

Is it because she is rich, black, female, and powerful instead of working class, white, male, and powerful?

Now, let’s just discuss her drowning on the police car (which really freaked a whole lotta people out and got them all in a lather). She is NOT threatening you. She is NOT inciting bad behavior (and if she is then BRAVO, we need a damn revolution). What I saw was Beyoncé REMINDING America that we are a nation built on flawed policies, flawed responses to poor people, flawed in our ability to acknowledge our own racism and fear of anyone who is “different”. She is drowning right along with you and me and the rest of us.

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If as a Nation a woman like Beyoncé cannot speak the truth from her position in this world then we have come to a deep dark place as a democracy.

The continued silencing and disempowerment of powerful women — especially women of color — allows us to maintain a regime of inequality critical to sustaining the oligarchy as we now experience it.

Our persistent separation of us and them continues the racism and sexism that is so pervasive in our country and which is critical for the maintenance of power in America.

We as white people, as law enforcement, as people of power have a vested interest in shushing women like Beyoncé. And to that I say, enough is enough. This is my call for a #GracefulRevolution where we stop shushing and work to stop the pervasive racism and sexism in this nation.

To that end, I say to you King B — I pray to GOD that you are indeed the Black Bill Gates in the making — may you SLAY this Nation to its knees.

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#FORMATION

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